My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This baby is an asshole
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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