I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
