sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
