can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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