I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
