last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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