I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
