That's when you crack a 10am beer
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
