that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
