butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It's Friday. Sex?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He shit in the fireplace
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