the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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