the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
