Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
