I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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