Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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