he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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