OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
