who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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