yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
pop tarts are not kleenex
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
