This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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