And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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