he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
