she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
