That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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