As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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