Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
