I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
