Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
