alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
