Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
