laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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