I'm gonna have a badass scar
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
