how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
