By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
