So drunk its hurt
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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