I think I died a long time ago.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
