Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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