eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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