yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
