Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i've created a new STD.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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