anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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