it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
