i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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