I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
even my farts smell like vagina
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
