I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
