I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
