I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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