Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
