Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.