he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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