The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital