i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.