im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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