yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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