i may or may not be watching the land before time
pop tarts are not kleenex
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
