im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
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He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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