It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
