Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
