well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
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is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
Dignity is for republicans.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow