I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
