grinding to god bless the USA? really?
Can Purell be used as lube?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.