Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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