Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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