We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
