i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
is it fun? or sober?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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