I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
