I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
