He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
