Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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