tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
