She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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