"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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