I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
