You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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