i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My ass is underappreciated
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
