I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
