this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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