I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
