people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I looked at my own cervix.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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